The lady doth protest too much, methinks

My leg hurts a bit. I just used my new epilator and actually it doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would. The turning thing is really scary the first time you turn it on and try and make yourself put it against your leg, but it's not as brutal as it looks or sounds. Despite the fact that it's a rotating barrel holding lots of tiny pairs of tweezers! I'm sure I'll get used to it. My skin went bright pink for a bit though.

The sky is really odd at the moment. It's like a sunset but in black and white or something. The whole sky is just different shades of bluey grey, it looks really ominous. Maybe I've missed the sunset and it's actually getting dark xD

I wish I had time to read the things I want to and write the things I want to. My mum was trying to get me to enter a writing competition, but I don't think I've had enough practice in the last couple of years in anything other than essays. If I had a couple of months when I didn't have to do any work, it'd be no problem. The other night I was trying to force myself to do my English Lit coursework and all I could think about was this really good idea I had for a story. I've forgotten it now, of course, before I could write it down.

I also wish I wasn't so damn lazy. I need to do more exercise and it occured to me that I could go swimming - I already love swimming when I get the chance, and because everyone else can see how fat you are in your bikini it'd be a good incentive to lose weight. The only downside is that I'd have to pay to do it every time, because I'm not taking out a membership for the entirity of the Westgate leisure centre when I'll only be using the pool. And I'd have to get a lift, either all the way there or to the station.
Damn it! I need to stop thinking up excuses!

I had the weirdest guy in my music lesson today. He's apparently thinking of becoming a teacher so he visited the school to see what it was like. Taz and I kept laughing at him though; not only did he smell of chlorine (at least I think it was him) but he had floppy hair and a receding hairline and he wore braces and did our listening paper in a really stupid way. He was one of those people that on first glance seem fairly nice and friendly but then really creep you out with their oddness.

I'm not even going to bother detailing the reasons of the fight Alex and I have just had. Suffice it to say that I don't think I've been that upset since I was little. He's said sorry now, as have I, and hopefully we'll be ok - having pretty much not even acknowledged my existence for two days, I think he'll be talking to me etc. tomorrow. I've been texting him and he sounds ok.

Last night we basically thrashed it out on MSN. At first he was saying that I didn't deserve for him to even talk to me about it, and that he was being so extremely horrible to me because he wanted me to hate him so I'd know how he felt. But then I pointed out that I wouldn't hate him, I'd just get more and more upset. He went through a list of things about me that really piss him off, which made me feel just great, and called me a bunnyboiler for wondering why I'm never allowed to look at his phone and stuff. I suppose the good thing about MSN is that you can argue just as well when you're sobbing away to yourself!

Anyway I didn't want to just write about that, because I'm trying to get over it now and he's apologised and said he doesn't stand by all the stuff he said.

I actually used a free period for work earlier! It was amazing. I went to the IT room and finished my essay for Mrs Neame and handed it in - in a free! I dragged poor Ibby up there with me and she waited while I wrote the end of it. Alex went home at the end of break and just before he went I managed to catch him and say sorry for upsetting him. Although he was much harsher to me than I was to him, I did still have something to apologise for. It was good that I caught him because he said he was sorry too. But I was really rude to the chaplain who was trying to talk to me while sticking something on the door. I had to go after Alex so I just sort of went "er, yeah, hang on" and left. Honestly though, I couldn't believe he chose that moment to try and get me to go to mass tomorrow. It's my morning off, so he can dream on. I will be sleeping. (In fact, I'll be the one dreaming on. Oho. Do you see what I did there.)

I miss Alex. It's weird missing someone when they're sitting 2 feet away from you. I'm not used to not being allowed to sit next to him, or hug him or anything. I couldn't even talk to him. Hopefully tomorrow it'll be better. It's ironic that he was finding it so impossible to forgive me for threatening to dump him - when I thought I had good reason to, and I was upset and confused - yet I'm forgiving him already for humiliating me and being cruel to me in front of other people. I guess some people just find it easier than others. Maybe I shouldn't forgive him so easily, but in my head I always just think that if someone's apologised and meant it, there's no point in holding a grudge any longer.

Anyway, everyone has fights. Almost everyone gets over them. It won't seem so bad after a week or so. We just need to get our perspectives out of the moment.

I have to admit, I am quite impressed. Valentine's Day went off really rather well!
I went out with Alex, the original plan being to catch a film and then go bowling, then have dinner. But there weren't really any films we wanted to see, and the only one we could have seen started too late to allow us to go to our already-booking bowling slot. So we went for a coffee...but then had to leave as the cafe shut! So we went and sat in the car for a bit and just chatted. It was really nice just being that relaxed together; there wasn't any pressure to be doing stuff all the time like there is when you've not been going out that long etc. I beat Alex at bowling in both games, but only because I had the barriers at the side up. (There was a sign saying barriers are only meant for kids of 12 and under! But I needed it...) After we ate, we had the Fun Saga of the Lost Car Key, which we eventually found to have been handed in at the bowling place. Even the stress of not having a key didn't really affect the general nice-ness of the evening. And then we hid out in the carpark near my house and chatted more. It was lovely

I hate the fact that I know come uni-time in the autumn we'll have to split up. I don't want to, because I know several couples that make it work fine long-distance, but Alex says it's stupid to never see each other and try and keep a relationship going, and obviously I know it could never work unless you're both committed to the idea. I'm trying to just ignore it and enjoy now, but there's always this thought in the back of my mind that there will be a time when I'm not allowed to just hug him or kiss him or cuddle up to him whenever I want. I hate it when people say 'make the most of it now' about things. How do you enjoy things more? I try to think of it as we're just going on an extended break; that's how he said it'll probably be, as we're not going to pretend we've just stopped loving each other overnight. We'll still be best friends. But I can't bear the thought of him with someone else, no matter how much I don't want to be in the way of what he thinks is best for himself. I'm not unselfish enough yet to be able to handle this with equanimity.

6/7 months left. 6/7 months left. 6/7 months left. I keep telling myself that's a long time.

Ok, sob over. I have to stop dwelling on all that! Jeez.

Yawn. I don't know why I'm so bloody tired these days. Every morning I wake up to see my alarm clock happily telling me its 7.35 and I've overslept again. I think I should probably change the radio station to something more aggressive; Radio 3 doesn't exactly jolt you out of bed in the same way that Radio 1 or Planet Rock might. I'm too much of a coward, though; I've had the horrible experience once too many times of being shaken from my slumber by 50 Cent soundalikes! Maybe I'll just go back to the trusty old 'buzzer'.
What I actually meant to say, though, was that the Barclaycard slide advert is back in its full uncut glory! Including the squeaky library bit. I want a go! I hate it when they start cutting funny ads because they just assume you've seen them before. And going to school/work would be so much more fun if you took the water slide. In fact, I think it'd solve a goodly number of the nation's stress-induced health problems. Unless you're scared of slides, of course. But who has such a stressful job that they could actually get off the slide at the end of an exhilarating ride and still be in a bad mood?

I'm beginning to feel really guilty because my somewhat chubby boyfriend - fastest consumer of an XL Bacon Double Cheeseburger ever - has started going jogging early every morning, eating fruit and joined a mixed martial arts class. Admittedly it's taken him a while to do it, but I called him fat a while ago (before you gasp in shock, he HAD just called me idiotgirl and tickled me mercilessly) so I can only hope I can take the credit for it all. I'm still eating pretty much what I like, though fortunately I don't fancy the chocolate hobnobs at the moment, and doing no exercise at all. I'm the best excuse-maker in all the land:

1. I can't afford to join the gym/classes/buy a Wii Fit.
2. Even if I could, I can't drive and I live in the middle of nowhere.
3. Walking's not always an option as it is really dangerous - there's no path for a good third of the way into the village, and it's a scary road.
4. I hate aerobics.
5. Set and rep exercises make me feel sick because my blood sugar dips, and they also make me look like a fool.
6. I give up way too easily/am very lazy.

I am condemned to be not-fat-but-slightly-too-curvy for the rest of my days

...God's, or evolution's?

I think I should really stop reading the paper. It just makes me angry. This time there is an appalling article headlined "Half of UK population 'believe in creationism' ". Now I am no theologian but I know perfectly well that the theories of 'creationism' and 'intelligent design' are two completely different things. I am sure that the most hardline of athiests would concede this. Half the UK population does not believe in creationism; this statistic is made up of the majority that think it likely that the universe had an intelligent designer rather than occurring purely by chance, and the minority who believe the Genesis account literally, which is the true definition of creationism.

As the 200th anniversary of the birth of Charles Darwin approaches, the main point here is that these two groups of people, unceremoniously lumped together, are both under attack from Richard Dawkins. However, this is completely unfounded; intelligent design does not necessarily deny evolution, whereas creationism does. A fairly critical difference, you might say. The magazine New Scientist, for all its anti-religious sentiment, never makes this mistake - I read an article in it fairly recently differentiating clearly between the two viewpoints.

Personally - though I am in fear of my life writing this - I do give quite a lot of credence to the intelligent design theory, being of Christian heritage. However I am not a creationist, and I think people who do believe the Genesis account to be literal are frankly quite silly. No offence meant, naturally.

Now there's a good word. Gobsmacking.

I just saw in the paper that a nurse who is a Christian has been suspended for "attempting to force her Christian faith on others". The woman had merely offered to pray for an elderly patient.

Everyone knows those hard-core evangelistic types; the guys with the placards with various combinations of the words "REPENT" and "NIGH" written on them. People who condemn others for not conforming to their own beliefs. That is what I would call attempting to force the Christian faith on others. Not this nurse's friendly and well-intentioned offer, no matter how much you disagree with her religion.

I have people coming up to me in the street offering me literature about Hindu sects; I'm not going to report them for it, I just smile and decline. I don't feel forced, coerced or pressurized and a minute later I've forgotten all about it. Whoever decided to report this nurse - and those that suspended her - for something that is completely inoffensive and was meant kindly need to realise that this isn't even political correctness - it's completely absurd.