The lady doth protest too much, methinks

...But...I only just realised that I liked some of his music the other day!
And now the more insensitive of my friends are bombarding me with inappropriate jokes. Ah, the circle of life.

My lovely boyfriend Alex is going to Faliraki on Saturday night and his phone's just exploded. He can't afford to buy a new one, and so he'll just be without a phone.
As it's Faliraki, and three 18 year old boys, even though I trust him and I know he wouldn't cheat on me I can't help really wishing he would be just a text away, rather than a call-to-his-friend-and-request-to-talk-to-him away. Plus I know that his intentions are completely good, but I know how strong an influence his friends have on him; that's the only reason I'm nervous about his holiday, that they might tell him to forget about me as we're only together until we go to uni anyway and go for it with some random slag in a club.
Ok, so the week between this and next Saturday my imagination will be running riot every evening. Like that ^

Ooh but I'm so glad I've finished school for good now. I was shopping all day with my friend in Portsmouth and I'm completely knackered but it was good fun!

Also, yesterday I discovered that sea + sun + sand + strawberries + boyfriend is a very agreeable combination. I also discovered that cherries + sand + sea is less so.

I want to go to Japan.

Fucksake, what is wrong with me?? I seem to be physically incapable of working today, when I have exams Tuesday and Wednesday and I'VE HAD ALL DAY TO REVISE!
I suppose psychologists might say I'm deliberately sabotaging myself. I say I need a kick up the arse.

...until I finish my exams! I actually cannot wait, not because I have any deep-seated loathing of 6th form, but because I get to read/write whatever I want over the summer. I haven't written in so long I'm almost scared to start again because it'll be so awful. I started a complete ad-lib thing last night, in a tiny notebook with a scratchy fountain pen at midnight (oh how poetic!) but I think I'll have to copy it onto the computer and do things to it before I can decide if it's any good.
My mum said something to me the other day that really made me worry: using online writing forums etc. could get you your work stolen. That had honestly never occurred to me before, mainly because I don't see anyone actually wanting to steal my ideas. But now if something's actually any good I might restrict it to WEbook.com, which is the only one with a decent policy for preventing that.
On the plus side though, I'll be able to read anything and everything I can get my hands on without the slightest hint of guilt. If this summer has the nice weather they're predicting, it could be the best summer ever.

Oohhhh dear. It's already 2pm and I've done NO latin as yet today. Maybe I'll do some Ovid translation just to make sure I'm good and scared for the unseen exam on Tuesday

Ugh. It's so unfair. (Lol, I only get to use that phrase for one more year! It can only be used by teenagers.)

I love the summer and I can't wait for exams to be over etc. etc. but what I really CAN wait for is uni. I mean, it's going to be amazing if I get in, and I really want to go, but it means breaking up with Alex for good and I absolutely hate that we have a time limit. The unfair bit is that I partially dread the end of school (everyone else can love it!) because then there will be no more stages before we have to break up, it'll just be the summer. And that is scary.

I really do try my hardest not to think 'it's so unfair, everyone else gets to keep their boyfriend' because I know it's an individual thing and that it would be a million times worse to stay in a relationship falsely with one person not being 100% in with the idea, blah blah blah. But it's so hard to just accept it. I almost feel like we're chickening out. It just feels like a waste. Part of me doesn't give a crap how hard it would be or how sensible it is to split up, and it's hard to keep sitting on that bit of me and keeping it down.

Anyway enough of that. I have English revision to do and my nails to paint and my legs to shave!

Ah summer. Sunburn and BBQs on scummy beaches and no more leaving my legs for weeks on end...not that I do, of course. That would be highly embarrassing.

Ooh and I had my Latin unseen AS retake today (first exam - so it begins!!) and it wasn't that bad. Naturally, that means that I will have got a D or something. But my creative writing skills hardly made an appearance at all! For most of it I actually knew what it was on about!