I'm not even going to bother detailing the reasons of the fight Alex and I have just had. Suffice it to say that I don't think I've been that upset since I was little. He's said sorry now, as have I, and hopefully we'll be ok - having pretty much not even acknowledged my existence for two days, I think he'll be talking to me etc. tomorrow. I've been texting him and he sounds ok.
Last night we basically thrashed it out on MSN. At first he was saying that I didn't deserve for him to even talk to me about it, and that he was being so extremely horrible to me because he wanted me to hate him so I'd know how he felt. But then I pointed out that I wouldn't hate him, I'd just get more and more upset. He went through a list of things about me that really piss him off, which made me feel just great, and called me a bunnyboiler for wondering why I'm never allowed to look at his phone and stuff. I suppose the good thing about MSN is that you can argue just as well when you're sobbing away to yourself!
Anyway I didn't want to just write about that, because I'm trying to get over it now and he's apologised and said he doesn't stand by all the stuff he said.
I actually used a free period for work earlier! It was amazing. I went to the IT room and finished my essay for Mrs Neame and handed it in - in a free! I dragged poor Ibby up there with me and she waited while I wrote the end of it. Alex went home at the end of break and just before he went I managed to catch him and say sorry for upsetting him. Although he was much harsher to me than I was to him, I did still have something to apologise for. It was good that I caught him because he said he was sorry too. But I was really rude to the chaplain who was trying to talk to me while sticking something on the door. I had to go after Alex so I just sort of went "er, yeah, hang on" and left. Honestly though, I couldn't believe he chose that moment to try and get me to go to mass tomorrow. It's my morning off, so he can dream on. I will be sleeping. (In fact, I'll be the one dreaming on. Oho. Do you see what I did there.)
I miss Alex. It's weird missing someone when they're sitting 2 feet away from you. I'm not used to not being allowed to sit next to him, or hug him or anything. I couldn't even talk to him. Hopefully tomorrow it'll be better. It's ironic that he was finding it so impossible to forgive me for threatening to dump him - when I thought I had good reason to, and I was upset and confused - yet I'm forgiving him already for humiliating me and being cruel to me in front of other people. I guess some people just find it easier than others. Maybe I shouldn't forgive him so easily, but in my head I always just think that if someone's apologised and meant it, there's no point in holding a grudge any longer.
Anyway, everyone has fights. Almost everyone gets over them. It won't seem so bad after a week or so. We just need to get our perspectives out of the moment.
