The lady doth protest too much, methinks

It's funny, cause my GCSE history lessons were some of the most face-meltingly boring times of my life, and my friend and I who were the only ones in the class with IQs of more than 29 (31, both of us) managed to find most of the syllabus amusing in some way or another. But we never caught this one:
http://i16.tinypic.com/4pts7s8.jpg

Just found this little snippet on the interweb and thought it was quite good:

Bono, lead singer of the rock band U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.

At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet.

Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.'

From the front of the crowd a voice with a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet ...

'Well, f -- ckin stop doin it then, ya evil bastard!'

1. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

2. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

3. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

4. Ever notice that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

5. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.

6. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

7. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

8. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

I stole this wonderful site from NotBob. I feel slightly ashamed as he seemed to think it was a waste of time...whereas I just laughed. But yeah.

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moar funny pictures

moar funny pictures

Well, all right, so I'm not literally wading in treacle. But that's what it feels like at the moment. All my good intentions seem to go down the pan as soon as I actually try to do any work. My English Lit. teachers set essays within a day of each other as they clearly don't communicate at all. My music teacher is even more demanding, expecting me to take up permanent residence in the music rooms and do huge amounts of extra study just because she knows I want to do a music degree. I feel really thick as well when she's always saying that she can go through things quickly with me as I know so much of it already and then I get stuck on stuff, like baroque counterpoint two-parts and Bach chorales. I suggested Bach as a possible composer the other day in a listening paper when it was quite obviously much too chromatic to be anything pre-Classical. EMBARRASSING.
I feel even thicker as I've only got one A for an essay so far. They've all been Bs. Though admittedly it's not that far into AS level standards, it's still annoying. I mean, how hard can it be, right? Analysing A Streetcar Named Desire. Sure, I can do that. Erm, no, apparently not.
On the plus side, though, all these free periods mean that my friend is teaching me chess. I beat four people today, all of whom have been playing longer than me.

Prithee excuse my writing style tonight. I'm M25-lagged.

I have joined the Dark Side. Or at least, was a mercenary in it for a while. And the worrying thing is, it didn't feel that bad. In fact, I have a T-shirt (white!) with the quote from the Taming of the Shrew: "Will you woo this Wild-cat?"
I disgust myself.

...but I haven't posted in ages. Hmm. Well. I suppose there's not much to say really. My little old life has been trundling along as per usual. I have to do a solo in a concert on November 3rd though. It's just a grade 7 piece but for some reason these concerts scare the hell out of me. I never get nervous at all, except before these bi-annual torture sessions. And I'm in the same concert as that bloody Joel kid, who looks about 10 and is fooking amazing at the cello. More to the point he's never nervous either. My luck, I'll have to follow him.

Bejayzus, but I am SICK of A Streetcar Named Desire. My very first A level standard essay and I am tearing my hair, gnashing my teeth and bleeding at the eyeballs all at once already. This sort of frustration was usually kept for Lord of the Flies work last year. And this time round I have a decent teacher and all.
But then, it is MUCH too late at night to be writing something like this. My own fault for procrastinating, as I am now. But concrete internet access is still too much of a novelty to be avoided, even when my conscience is beating me up inside.
I'm supposed to be translating some Latin as well after this. Yeah right. It's appallingly hard Latin as well - Virgil. Stupid man. What'd he want to write poetry for?! His word order is OBSCENE.

I've been worried for quite a while now that I'm not good enough to get into a good music college and be a professional musician though that is what I'd like to do. I never want to mention it to either of my music teachers as I think they'll laugh at me and say there's no way in hell I'd be good enough.
Well on Tuesday, without me asking at all, one of them said he thought I should go to the Royal Academy. Ironically enough it was the teacher I don't like as much.
Made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside

...yep, that's me. Well, not all the time. But give me an outsized white shirt and a pen and I write poetry to rival Wordsworth as far as plain and simple pretentiousness is concerned. Just in case you don't believe me, cop a load of this. It's in sonnet form for a start, and I've got one for each element.  This one's Fire:

A glowing spark brings me into being
I burst forth from my birthplace; be aware
Of my hungry power all-consuming
The blazing heat and fury of my glare.
I am the scourge and saviour as I dance
Forever jubilant in your control
Or angry as with menace I advance
Before me all the earthly creatures bowl.
I writhe and roar, my appetite unsated
I must be fed to grow as I desire
Except in use I am forever hated
As I reach with my tendrils ever higher.
My beauty is superfluous to all;
I must succumb to water's quenching pall.

Don't be too cruel to me if you read this. They don't work us hard enough at school; I have too much time on my hands!

Just found this on the Yahoo news page thingy:

WASHINGTON (AFP) - A court in Nebraska is being asked to cast judgement on the ultimate judge -- God.
State lawmaker Ernie Chambers filed a lawsuit Friday against the Almighty -- acknowledging he/she goes by numerous aliases -- for causing "fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes, pestilential plagues" and other alliterative catastrophes.
The suit, Chambers vs God, asks the court for a "permanent injunction ordering defendant (God) to cease certain harmful activities and the making of terrorist threats" which affect innumerable persons, including Chambers's constituents.
It asserts that God is "the admitted perpetrator" of such acts and said that God's omnipresence gives the local Douglas County District Court jurisdiction in the suit, adding that God's omniscience eliminates the need to issue a formal notice of the lawsuit.
Chambers told local media he filed the suit to make a point about frivolous lawsuits frequently seen in US courts, citing a recent one against a judge.
He asked the court to award him an unspecified summary judgment against God, or, in the alternative, issue a permanent injunction against God engaging in the damaging acts cited in the filing.
Neither God nor his/her spokespersons could be contacted for comment.

Woo! I finally managed to coax my computer into letting me defragment my hard drive. For months and months it kept saying "Chkdsk is scheduled to run on volume C:" and when I tried to run this Chkdsk thing it didn't do anything for ages. But hurrah, finally it did. Taking bloody ages to defragment though. The percentage is just about creeping up to 21%. I love technology, but sometimes it's a little wearing.
Oh yeah and at County Youth Orchestra we're playing Rachmaninoff's 2nd Symphony. I'M PLAYING FIRST HORN!!! Admittedly I'm sharing the part with Sophie but I'm grateful for that as the piece in total lasts an hour. The first movement alone is 25 minutes. We're kind of being each other's bumpers. It's in E though, which means transposing down a semitone. Sounds easy? I'd rather it was in E flat and go down a tone. In fact last rehearsal that's what I kept nearly doing. There's a bit in the middle which is in F just to lull us into a false sense of security before it goes back into E. That's the worst part, readjusting.
I am also playing first in Beethoven's Fifth which we're doing at Chamber orchestra. That is however slightly less of an achievement as the only other horn player there is totally fricking useless. There, I've said it. I can't say it to anyone there as her dad is one of the conductors (I wonder why she's technically superior to me although being at least 2 grades below me?!) Sorry. Chamber always makes me angry. But at least I get to play some first. ^^
I'm so sad.
And bitter.

Why English Lit? is what all the posters ask you, at that time of year just before you choose your A level subjects. You dutifully read the poster, maybe you were already thinking of taking it, and it convinces you. You perhaps ask a passing friendly English teacher what the set texts are. "A Streetcar Named Desire and Hamlet" they reply with a cheery smile. Wonderful, you think. A bit of culture. That is before you realise there is a Whole Other Side to Lit. A Dark Side. Just when you think that you've eliminated the long time-warp compulsory lessons, where the very fabric of time itself bends and stretches before you so that the clock permanently reads twenty minutes to go - a period finely calculated to destroy your soul - you find out who your other teacher is. You have one really good teacher, one who makes you think and in whose lessons time is too friendly and eager to please, and dashes off into the Blue, and then the Other one, whose voice is at a pitch so incredibly monotonous it can only have been tuned by the Daleks themselves. It seems to be inexhaustible, and they always have the more boring part of the syllabus anyway so that nothing can prevent the doubts nagging at you - I shouldn't have taken this subject. That fatal thought. You must push it away, but in the "long dark teatime of the soul" (double period last thing) it comes a-creeping in...
Traitor! You think to yourself. But the damage is done. You are Bored.

You know I'm sure as I write this, somewhere the 1812 Overture is playing..

Dammit NotBob, you've got me hooked on these...

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Yay! Just put up another chapter to my story. Hope I get a review other than the one from my best friend...well I suppose it's early days. Only been up there 2 of them in fact.
It's actually rather sad. Well, all right, very sad. Yes, people, I write fanfiction. So sue me! Actually you can't, there's a disclaimer
I do write original stuff too. But I just couldn't resist a bit of fanfic. I just like making the characters do what I want for a change...
Oooh power

...comes around, gets dizzy and falls over.

It's amazing, the power of self conviction. A couple of days ago I just decided to be happy and a few minutes later there I was on IM talking to about eight people and having riotously amusing conversations. Not helped by one of my friends being a little tipsy and for some reason, through the ether, it was contagious...
Just made me think. If just telling yourself to be happy like that can work, why is there so much selfcentred whinginess about? Not saying I'm completely innocent or anything. But there are certain people, like a certain girl in my Ancient History class, who really shoud be slapped out of feeling so darn sorry for themselves for no good reason.
OK, rant over. Just about.
Mmm, rice.

Oh no! That's supposed to read "bein a ninja"
Darn this lack of space

I am so pathetic. You would have to search extremely hard to find a more perfect example of a stupid teenage girl.
OK, so I like some guy. Not the end of the world, you think. Importance hardly on a par with world poverty or the situation in Iraq. Last night I was talking to my best friend on IM and the aforementioned guy comes online. Talk to him a bit, as you do, how was your summer etc etc. Then friend apparently tells him that I like him.

It took me all of last night and this morning to work out that it doesn't matter.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
Oh my GOD but I am PISSED OFF!!! I HATE THE INTERWEB!!!!! If I ever meet this Fate person they'd better watch it because I will be after them with a red hot poker and a pair of forceps.
For ages and ages, over a year, I've had no internet access at home. This is since we moved from our house-before-last. Even then I've only ever had dial up. So I try and get round it by going on my dad's computer, at my mum's office etc etc. The other week my mum finally ordered BT broadband. Wonderful, think I. Today the package arrives and lo and behold, resplendant in white plastic is a Hub thing and a load of cable. There's a phone point just behind my computer by good luck, so my dad and I hook it all up. Nothing happens. Ok, maybe we just have to wait a bit. Still nothing. We get the landline phone and check the phone point. IT DOESN'T SODDING WORK. So the only possible place for the hub to go is downstairs, which would be fine but my computer is too old to have a wireless capability. Run a cable through the hallway and up the stairs..doesn't work as we assume the cable is too long. So the broadband package we have is effectively useless, except for my dad's laptop, hence this entry.
I really think I might cry.
Maybe I should sell everything I own and buy a laptop.
But I can't afford one.
PISS.

tee hee.

2 more days till my GCSE results are out. 2 MORE SODDING DAYS!!! I don't think I can take the strain much longer. If I haven't got a bloody A* in Latin I am going to be so very very peeved.

私はモルであり、穴に住んでいる apparently that is how you write "I am a mole and I live in a hole" in Japanese.

I'm trying to teach myself Japanese as I may have said before, but I can't concentrate at the moment. Typically I can say this though: Kyo wa iya-na tenki desu ne. Means horrible weather today, isn't it?

This computer keeps making the sound of a crying baby, albeit one quite far away. I don't know if that's healthy.

Seriously, what is it about fish food that makes it smell so bad??
I have recently got a job selling fish food, ice cream and pringles in a very smelly, freezing cold kiosk in Arundel. The sacks of food are huge, and I can get through about 1 a day, filling disposable cups with the stuff for people to feed the trout with. Only problem is of course this makes my hand stink, as there is so much oil in the food it gets all over my arm. The inside of the bag is greasy too, so by the time I finish I'm covered in fishy oil and have to scrub my arms to the bone before it comes off.
Well that's my moan over. Got to get out of the way now. Humph.

Oooh it's all shiny and new..*strokes screen with faraway look on face*
So, I'm off to Strasbourg the day after tomorrow. It'd better be ing sunny as I was promised or I shall not be amused. And if it's hot, the entire string section will be even more out of tune than usual. Ha ha.
I am so sick of this rubbish orchestra, tour or no tour. Anyone would think most of us hated music, the way no-one seems to care what they sound like. And the oboe is permanently and terminally flat.
Still, chin up eh! At least I get a holiday out of it.
Why does it say 639 Zeichen at the bottom of this box? Is that German or something?

myspace comments jokes

Aaaack! Who the bloody hell gave Lily Allen permission to do THAT to a Kaiser Chiefs song?? Kaiser Chiefs may not be the best band in the whole wide world but really..*sob* I LIKED that song.
Hey last time I looked I did not live in the tropics. I lived in England, which (disregarding the fact that in the European Union it doesn't formally exist) usually enjoys balmy summers and cold winters. NOT A PERMANENT RAINY SEASON. I don't give a stuffed monkey if it's warm and rainy, the point is I resent the precipitation altogether. It's boiling hot in April and May, for my exams of course, then as soon as I finish school the heavens open. No wonder the English talk about the weather more than any other nation.
I'm bored of Mozart's 2nd Horn concerto. Stupid teacher taking back all my stupid music. Stupid mother won't order said stupid music.
But hey, what does that all matter when I'm going to Strasbourg in 9 days?? Hopefully it'll be hot over there. Hooray for touring with orchestras, albeit a particularly crap orchestra. Half the woodwind section should be sacked straight away, especially that bassoonist..*shudder*

Funny Videos

That's so cool! Hope it didn't rain though.

To start as I mean to go on: You know what really hacks me off? People who write pretentious articles in newspapers about "the blogging generation" or "the MySpace generation" and stuff like that. They're all middle aged people who like to think that they're being very original and disparaging about the hordes of mindless teenagers who sit in front of computers all day because they're too lazy to go and find their own entertainment, and who are all extremely nerdy and only socialise over the internet. Of course, they're all totally self-centred and write enormous blogs all about themselves and their problems instead of going out and talking to real people and forming personalities properly. However, even worse than this view is the one that says all teenagers go on MySpace because it's the new form of self-expression and society shouldn't demonise it because they're just trying to "find themselves" or some such baloney. I'm 16, and I'm not afraid to admit that, in the case of MySpace, I followed the crowd, jumped on the bandwaggon and submitted to peer pressure all at once. My MySpace profile does not reflect my true personality in any way. It shows how I wish to be percieved by other people who have MySpace. That is ALL it does. It's less a form of self expression than another way of masking myself. Really, who but the most attention-seeking would show off their true colours to their friends never mind the entire Interweb.